The Amazing Stuffing
Women of a certain age would amongst other qualities wish to regard themselves as great cooks and this is no better displayed than at Christmas. Having a good stuffing recipe is essential. The same is true to some degree with trans women but the stuffing in question is often, how to fill bra cups and not cupcakes. After the initial period of dressing where the delight of the new causes a visual selectivity, the trans women seeks fidelity. As I mentioned with shoes the quest is to look as feminine as you can. Becoming a woman, or becoming a woman for some period of time, becomes a quest. So in the early days the bra becomes quite important.
The donning of a brassiere is another one of those significant milestones. Pulling on a pair of women’s panties with the ‘guilty’ sense of taboo and the sensual feel is perhaps the first milestone that truly gets hard-wired. This might satisfy the lurch towards the feminine and it has its degree of deniability. Panties are, after all, an absolute analogue of men’s underpants. A bra is a whole different kettle of fish. For me at least I had admired this particular item of clothing from afar and up close familiarising myself with its delicious contours. It’s a wonderful piece of design being both highly functional and erotic at the same time. Whether viewed from the back, side or front it presents the female form in subtly different ways. Each perspective speaks of restraint and a sort of covert enticement at the same time. So it’s a big step to finally take the object of so much wonder and put it on. The first small shock is how easily you get it on. After all men have great difficulty at times undoing the object. The fact that it went on really easily gives more than a small suggestion that there is an innate girl underneath who just knows how to do this girly stuff by instinct. Too late now it’s on and with the necessary adjustments it’s exactly where it needs to be. Unlike the shoe experience which has that ‘wow I didn’t realise I had amazing legs’ impact, the bra experience upon facing a mirror has quite the opposite effect. Those cups, designed to delicately cradle or suggestively constrain a bosom, sag like two sad sacks.
The immediate impulse is to search for something, anything. Socks are the first port of call for many but the moment’s lost. That vital physical intimacy between the cup and the chest is obscured by the sensation of a sock. My first time was very disappointing after such a high degree of anticipation. Believe it or not my inventive mind settled on two tennis balls for my next foray in my sister’s bra. Better! I looked pert but also a bit like an over-eager ball girl from Wimbledon. They were two perfectly round causing the cups of the bra to stretch in some places and sag in others.
Whoever said necessity is the mother started life as a cross dresser. I quickly expanded the ingredients for filling out the bras I would try on. Rolled up stockings/tights were good. They felt softer than the socks and had a tan colour which was much more becoming than the fluoro yellow of the Dunlop tennis balls! Supply was an issue however. To get the number required to fill the bra to the right degree was a logistical problem, partly solved by using the stuffing inside stuffing technique. A practical solution and an indication of my early problem solving abilities. A bit of an additional issue when a hurried replacement (…what they’ve been gone for two hours already!) of the items back to their safe harbour was required. More than once socks found their way into tights drawers and vice versa.
Fidelity is a paradoxical mistress. Just when you settle on an improved bra stuffing technique its appeal gets lost in thoughts of a new and improved look. My own journey has seen me using pantyhose with birdseed. Yes it sounds bazaar but is in fact not a bad option. It’s environmentally friendly too as any seed can always be used to feed birds when you no longer need it. I’ve toyed with water filled balloons which can give a nice feel and weight and have that nice squeezable property. The drawback here is you don’t always have balloons at hand and if you do come across one in the party cupboard it more than likely has ‘happy birthday’ emblazoned on it. I’m not one to stop you writing messages on your chest but using a message prepared earlier isn’t the best look.
Everything here is on a spectrum towards reality and my next foray into the perfect bra filler owed as much to science as it did to beauty. I had heard somewhere, I think an online forum, that a really good home- made breast form could be made by filling balloons with the inside of diapers and adding water. Let’s just say I got better at this and had by the end of my ‘chemistry lab’ phase a pretty reasonable set of breasts in flesh coloured balloons that unfortunately looked nothing like human flesh colour. They did pack out the cup and had a nice squishiness. Alas the paradox of perfection played its hand again and I knew that I couldn’t rest until I had procured my very own set of breast forms. Perhaps typically I opted for a D cup and marvelled at how they really did fill the cup and provide great shape and feminine look. The bonus was the nipple which added an extra touch of authenticity. What I hadn’t counted on is how over an hour or so of wearing the breast form it both physically (because it warms to body temperature) and psychologically (because it seems to just meld into your body) seems to become real. You totally forget they’re not real.
Today I have D and C cup forms but favour the C. I’m even contemplating a B! Breast forms are the nearest some of us get, aside from hormone treatment or surgery, to having our very own breasts. The bosom is a wonderful feminine attribute, one that we can connect with at a very deep level. So next time someone asks you whether you have a great stuffing recipe just have a quiet chuckle. Water, socks and the inside of diapers, while effective, are not something you want coming out of your turkey this or any Christmas.
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